Psychologist: cheat under monogamy is inevitable

the essence of marriage is for people to specify a stable, predictable, clear direction of the life road, also specifies the established way of life for people and living standards. That is, when people haven’t into the marriage, will probably know what kind of life, there will be what kind of content, what kind of way. The understanding of the familiar, more familiar with the safety, the marriage system with its long life, to guarantee its safety and controllable.

when two people with the blessings of relatives and friends get married later, they like to sit on a slow moving forward train, and the train travel by rail, is two people’s decisions and actions. If in accordance with the established track moving forward, then the train was without a doubt to the end; If one halfway decided to leave their own orbit, and action, then we called his behavior & other; Cheating & throughout; . This word is really very vividly explained the marriage of people’s value and significance.

one person to cheat in the partner, means that this train faces the risk of changing direction, and that is not to cheat people must be forced to accept the fact. Redirection, makes the train to the unknown, to unpredictable, insecure, the direction of the blur, and the process will inevitably accompanied by a variety of anxiety, fear, depression and other emotional, also need to pay a lot of time, energy, money and other cost. cheating as well as direct killer of marriage break-up, also cause psychological and mental trauma to partner, will also affect the formation of a child’s personality, even derailed may become a kind of psychological and behavior patterns, pass on to the next generation.

based on the above analysis, since cheating will result in all sorts of trouble and distress, arguably, no one willing to cheat, no one wants to see partner cheating. But in recent years, more and more cases of divorce because of infidelity, all kinds of officials to lok ma story, little also not the shadow of the lover, more media poll, more than 60% of married people all want to cheat. Exactly what kind of mental state, people know cheating will bring a series of consequences, but still resolutely decided to change or want to change the existing life orbit?

start from this week, the author will analysis the readers common cheating psychology, and put forward the corresponding prevention and solution, for readers reference. As the series of the beginning of the article, I want to forget the factors of the psychological, to talk about the marriage system itself and & other Cheating & throughout; The link between.

derailed and monogamy

in the social life of the matriarchal clan commune, there will be no & other; Cheating & throughout; The word that kind of place. Then a woman who can decide on the night and sleep together, and men will not disputed; In the feudal society, polygamy nor & other; Cheating & throughout; The survival soil of the word. At that time, men have absolute sexual freedom and privileges, and women although have objection is can not make, even some women try to like men express their sexual rights, their behavior also can call & other; Liaisons & throughout; , & other Cheating & throughout; , or other more dire insulting word vocabulary.

because of the feudal society, the women can’t people they just goods or goods, at least in the mainstream of social consciousness, a woman even off track of items, to a man’s life also won’t have too big effect.

in the patriarchal society, only when a woman’s behavior and decisions in a man’s life, the mainstream values begin to regulate people’s thought and behavior, therefore, & other; Cheating & throughout; The word can only be born in monogamous social environment.

so interesting things happen. If polygamy only violating the human nature of the woman, and monogamy is men and women of the human nature are violated. Because sexual stimulation is an important source of novelty, scientists through change partner for mice experiment to prove it: if it is the same mother, the male mating frequency will be more and more low, until completely stop; If scientists constantly in new mothers, the mice will constantly mating, until exhausted. Humans may not like animals only know conditioned reflex, but if you want to rekindle passion for sex, as do need fresh partner.

we have to face a fact that the longer the relationship, the lower the frequency of sex would. Marriage experts have suggested we, therefore, to pursue the quality rather than quantity of sex, should pay more attention to relationship itself rather than sexual stimulation. In other words, if your purpose is to enjoy the pleasure to stimulate sex, marriage, I’m afraid this is not for you. Unless you want to see the relationship more important, are willing to give up the ownership of the fresh, or still single is more suitable for you.

so-called happiness and stable marriage relationship, is to weigh the pros and cons of forced to choose.

monogamous system, cheating is

if a person does not accept marriage expert advice, not willing to or sexual energy can not be sublimated for intimacy and connection, just follow instinct, pursue direct sexual stimulation, so his infidelity is inevitable; In fact, even in the mind to accept the advice, for fresh raw desire, it is always there. Unless the individuals can suppress or transfer of this desire, otherwise, cheating is inevitable.

as the contradiction of the world’s most the most complex organisms, people instinctively seek stability and security, but at the same time seek adventure and novelty, and monogamous marriage system, is the product of human complex and contradictory features: we set up a stable and secure platform for himself (marriage), and then at the bottom of this platform to seek adventure and novelty (cheating).

so, we should view cheating can be common in mind, rather than use the moral judgment to accuse the cheaters, also need not too blame yourself for partner cheating, we want to see, the marriage system itself is contributed to cheat.

marriage system: the purpose is not for love

all chose to enter the marriage need to see, the birth of the institution of marriage, not in order to protect the love, or love a end-result. It is the name of love, reality of the social management.

a monogamous marriage system, mainly to equality rights, especially the equality of men’s sexual rights. If it is a highly matriarchal society, women are free to decide with whom to have sex, so are bound to have some men lose the opportunity to reproduce, and they must become is the instability of the society. Polygamy in the society, has the resources of men take more sexual resources, weaker men lose sexual rights, the consequences will be similar to the matriarchal clan.

in addition, if the society is a single individual, for the consumption of resources will be more, management cost is larger; And if two by two family, on the one hand, reduce resource consumption, reduce the management cost, on the other hand also better able to people who bare infants, improve the survival rate of the offspring, have more vitality and vigor to social development.

I see that, don’t too unrealistic expectations for marriage. Only let go of fantasy of marriage, also see the real marriage, we can better access to it, run it, and get through it they want happiness and contentment.