Girl blind date in the end should not bring girlfriends? There are 4 cases here

How many things have you done reasonably?

01

I remember two years ago there is a hit drama, called “Let’s get married,” which is the scene with the actress Peach is not with the girlfriend blue blue to blind date.

The result, the blind man did not fancy peaches, but fancy girlfriends blue not yet.

Although this is only a plot in the drama, this phenomenon is not uncommon in life.

Therefore, aside from the factors such as the age of occupation and other factors, just look at the appearance of this factor, the rational girl thinks that if the girlfriends than their beautiful, blind date certainly can not bring; if girlfriend than their pretty, you can bring together Blind date

Both of these situations are relatively simple, but there are two more complicated situations: neither you nor girlfriends, nor you and girlfriends are beautiful.

This time, you should take honey to blind date?

Before answering this question, let’s share a little story.

A professor from Tsinghua University went to the barber’s haircut next to Tsinghua University. The waiter said with enthusiasm that the shop had a $ 38 ordinary haircut and $ 68 director’s haircut and asked him what kind of service he needed.

Professor believes that 68 yuan more expensive than 38 yuan a lot, no need to let the director to cut their hair, so I chose the 38 yuan ordinary haircut.

Then again, the author went to another barber shop. The waiter told him that the shop has 38 yuan ordinary haircut, 68 yuan director haircut, 98 yuan senior director haircut, and 128 yuan manager haircut.

This time, the number of optional services changed from two to four, and the mentality of the professor changed.

He knows that services of $ 98 and $ 128 are not necessary, but the idea is not the same as the first one when we consider the two types of haircut services of $ 38 and $ 68.

One is that the cheapest choice of 38 yuan seems a bit embarrassed, the second is that what should not buy their own to buy the cheapest.

Finally, the professor chose 68 yuan director cut hair.

Although none of the new two options he had selected, both of these options caused him to interfere with the first two options.

Why do professors at the time of the first haircut, did not choose 68 yuan director cut it?

This is where the “trade-off effect” in economics works.

Professor Cheng Yuh-huang, the professor of the story, the author of “Rational Irrationality,” believes that when people encounter many different options, they prefer to choose one of the compromises instead of choosing a more extreme solution. Is the so-called compromise effect.

In other words, people often do not evaluate the price / performance of a product objectively when shopping for something, but just choose one of the different options to look good.

This is an irrational act that happens to rational people. Even a savvy economist can not escape the robbery.

02

The professor’s haircut example tells us that the more choices, the more factors interfere with our choices and the easier it is for us to make irrational decisions.

Therefore, if you want to make a good impression on the blind date partner when considering whether to bring the girlfriend to blind date, you should stand on the blind date and consider each other’s psychological activities in the face of the choice.

The book “Rational Irrationality” mentions two types of assessment people often make when making choices: separate assessment and joint assessment.

Individual evaluation model is in the case of no comparison, because there is no reference, people are more concerned about the evaluation of the object itself is not good.

For example, in front of the example of hair styling professor, if the waiter did not give too many choices, only given a $ 38 haircut service, you may only trade the price of the service itself, in order to decide whether to buy services .

However, if there is more than one reference, people will enter a co-evaluation model with comparative objects. At this time, people’s attention falls on the assessment object is better than other reference objects.

Therefore, if you look good with girlfriends, you should not bring girlfriends to blind date.

Because if you bring girlfriends, then the other party is easy to enter the joint assessment model, that although you look good, but it is not more beautiful than the other girls, the impression of you is also discounted.

At this point you need to try to get each other into a separate evaluation mode, you should not go with girlfriends.

And if you and girlfriends are not looking good, you should bring girlfriend to accompany you blind date.

Because the other party to enter the joint assessment model will feel that although you look ordinary, but it is not worse than other girls, it is acceptable, thus enhancing your impression.

03

Faced with choices and multiple choices, people are often influenced by external factors, resulting in irrational behavior.

So, if we have only one choice, is not it more rational?

Not long ago, my friend L birthday, bought myself a more than 1,000 headsets, I was surprised.

Because two months ago I and L had just seen the headset in the mall, then, the headset just on the market, businesses have also done promotional activities – presented a two-year warranty.

L studied quite a few of these products, and he knows that the headset is better than any of the headphones he has ever used, and many of the new features are also very appealing.

However, at that time, L did not buy the headset, because the price of more than 1,000 yuan made him feel very extravagant.

Unexpectedly, L birthday two months later, he did not hesitate to buy this headset, the price is the same as the original, or even no longer give two years warranty service.

L told me that this is his birthday gift to himself, since it is a birthday present, luxury is not excessive.

The same headset, less service, why usually will not buy, birthday will buy it?

This is what psychoanalytic theories play.

The concept of mental accounts is proposed by behavioral economist Richard Saale. In addition to the actual, economic accounts of bank accounts, he argues, in the minds of mankind, there is another type of virtual account in which people psychologically divide the objectively equivalent expenditures or benefits in reality In different accounts.

In short, people will be in their minds for the establishment of various deposits “account”, each classified, different treatment, in order to control and manage their own consumer behavior.

This process usually directly affects the decision-making, but often not easy to be aware of.

The same is idle cash on hand, many people will have their own daily expenses have an account planning, birthday spending will have an account planning.

More than 1,000 yuan of headsets, as a daily expense, people tend not to buy, but as their birthday gift spending, many people will be able to accept.

This phenomenon, life is also very common to double eleven shopping as an example.

The earliest time, people choose to chop in two eleven crazy, mostly because of the day shopping is very cheap.

But now, more and more people have found that the price of a lot of double eleven many in fact is not much cheaper than usual, but people will still spend a lot of money on this day.

This is because today’s Double 11 is more like being a shopping carnival and a festival to satisfy oneself. Those who do not usually spend much money on this day will be treated differently treat.

After reading this article, you can still patted the chest that he has been very rational?

In fact, re-rational people, in making choices and making decisions, are subject to valuation patterns, trade-offs and psychological accounts, which has facilitated the expansion of profits for many businesses.

People who understand and can apply these kinds of economic theories are the biggest winners.

Next time blind date, remember to think about using economic thinking, whether it should be with girlfriends or their buddies.

The best psychology masters are how to treat love?

Love is an eternal topic, mortal experience as I wait, in the study, of course, psychologists are also the focus of research.

So much psychological big coffee, they study themselves, study others, produced a lot of analysis and interpretation of love.

Today, the article we reprint summarizes the views of seven psychologists on love.

You may not agree with all of your views, and you may even find it quite exciting. However, these different perspectives and different interpretations will inspire us to at least let us know that some people understood love as such.

People do not agree, love is naturally diverse.

Weekend, come together to talk about love this important “romantic little thing”. PS. Personal favorite, or Fromm’s point of view 🙂

Master of British object-relation theory. In the psychoanalysis after Freud, Winnipeg has an extraordinary spirit of innovation and a unique perspective.

He is far from Freud’s emphasis on instinct and writes a number of books on how mother-child interactions nourish or hinder child development.

The perfect relationship between partners is: nest in the lover’s arms alone.
* “One Mind” Interpretation: Even if the two people have nothing to say it does not matter, relatively silent, temporarily silent, you can lie quietly in each other’s arms lonely, which is the ultimate manifestation of mutual trust between the two is The highest level.

02    Carl Gustav Jung

Swiss psychologist. In 1907, he began to work with Freud to develop and popularize the theory of psychoanalysis for six years. Afterward, he discredited the concept of Freud and went so far as to establish Jung’s theory of personality analysis psychology. His theories and thoughts still exert far-reaching influence on psychology research.

No matter who you are, you fall, I would like to fall with you. One is brave, not ventured, nothing is lost. The other is assured, even if there is no harm.
The encounter of two souls is like the contact of two chemical substances: a little reaction will completely change them.
Loneliness does not come from nobody around. The real reason to feel lonely is because one can not communicate with others the most important feelings about it.

03    ErichFromm

American German Jewish. Humanistic philosopher and psychoanalytic psychologist. Devoted all his life to revising Freud’s psychoanalytic theory in order to meet the Westerners’ mental state after the two world wars. His theory of psychoanalysis has an influence on the world.

Love has nothing to do with maturity. If you do not work hard to develop all your personality, then every endeavor of love will fail. If you do not love the power of others, and you can not love others humbly, sincerely and disciplinedly, Life will never be satisfied.

If I love others, I should feel consistent with him, and accept his true colors. Instead of asking him to be what I want so that I can use him as a target of use.

The most important thing is to learn to be alone, and do not read books, do not listen to radio, do not smoke, do not drink. There is no ability to focus on whether you can stand alone, and this ability is a condition to learn to love.

Because we can not be self-reliant, we can only connect ourselves with another person. This person may be the savior of my life, but the relationship has nothing to do with love.

Love is not, first of all, the relationship of the same particular person; it is an attitude, a tendency of character. This attitude, personality tendencies determine a person’s relationship with the entire world, rather than the same “object of love” relationship.

If a person loves only one person and indifferent to others, his love is not love, but a symbiotic attachment or an enlarged egoism.

Immature love: Because I need you, so I love you. Mature love: Because I love you, so I need you.

04     Rowland Miller

Sam Houston State University psychology professor. He has taught intimacy at the University since 1978 and was awarded the Edwin B. Newman Award from the American Psychological Association (APA) and the Psi Chi International Society for Psychology.

His Intimacy, co-authored with Daniel Perlman, is both professional and readable. Anyone who wants to get a satisfying relationship can be inspired.

We always like those who like us.
Intimacy to meet the secret:
Appreciate your partner

Express your gratitude

Repeat these two steps

Partners can play together for a longer time together.
Men are focused on looks, women are focused on resources, but both expect their partner to be friendly, easy-going, lovely, and friendly.

05 Irvin Yalom

American group psychotherapy authority, contemporary master of psychiatry, existentialist therapy one of the three representatives. Stanford University psychiatrist lifetime honorary professor. Many of his writings not only inspire psychotherapists, but also won the general reader’s favorite.

Marriage, and the consequent possession and jealousy, only enslave souls.
We love desire more than the desire of the object more!
The kind of love I dream of is the passion shared by two people in pursuit of some higher truth. Perhaps I should not call it for love, perhaps, its real name is friendship.
The problem is not with the appearance of sex, but with things that make things disappear – something of more value.

Marriage should not be a prison, but a field that gives birth to something higher.

06     JaquesLacan

The French psychiatrist and the most independent and most controversial European psychoanalyst after the Second World War are known as the “Freudian in France.”

Love is different from desire, because the purpose of love is not for satisfaction, but for love.
The presence of love or the presence of an object opens up a gap within the subject, leaving the subject to feel ashamed of its own existence or absence, but also ecstatic with the body of its precious and marvelous qualities, helping to suture his rifts .

07     Sigmund Freud

God does not introduce, four words: fine points originator.

Mental health, always hard work and love. As long as these two things can be done, there is no other problem.
We are longing for love, and sometimes we are almost desperately throwing the love in our hands. There seems to be a desolate night in the heart of man, to the dark, lonely self.
The least fortified when we love.
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39-year-old French president and his 63-year-old wife, why love more than twenty years?

Want vs need? A question you should think before writing a story

In many movies, the protagonist at the beginning of the story is in an “unbalanced” state. They are in Joseph Campbell’s so-called “ordinary world,” a world in which characters evolve defense mechanisms in order to survive and escape from psychology, usually in Act 1 ( Before the story) will come up with a “goal”, a thing he “wanted”.

Carl Jung, a psychologist, said: “The only way we can achieve” mental balance “is when a person is confronted with something that is repressed or unknown. So while the protagonist is pursuing what he wants There is something in his heart hidden or unknown “need”. When the protagonist steps into the “adventurous world” from the “everyday world,” his original defense mechanism will evade psychology and will be challenged and even defeated one by one. When the old idea is defeated, the new idea will surface, and his suppressed “need” will surface. Please see the following movie as an example (a complete story analysis, please take care)

Casablanca:

Rick (Humphrey Bogart) was once a passionate patriotic freedom fighter, but after he was abandoned by the old Elysses (Ingrid Bergman) in Paris, he renounced all his ideals and opened a home in North Africa Bar, turning into a cynical, no-blood-no-tears businessman. Wandering between being a “heartless man” and a “sensual one,” let the lead character Rick be in an “unbalanced” state from the very beginning of the story. Later, due to the occasion, Ilsa and her husband Victor (Paul Henre) came to North Africa. At this time, Rick’s only idea is: “want” Ilsa back to her side.

When Irssa and Rick explain the details, Rick slowly relieved, aside from the cynical attitude, and their own “heart” link. Victor also helped Rick connect with his “ideal.” Let him “need” – when freedom fighters, to defeat his “want” – with Ilsa together. So, he finally decided to let Ilsa go with her husband, and then left North Africa, but also leave his cynicism, join the anti-Nazi organization, return to the ranks of freedom fighters. At the end of the day, Rick got “mentally balanced” with his “ideal.”

The Apartment:

C.C. Baxter is a good guy, but he has a bad job. To make matters worse, his apartment was also used by his chief officer to engage in some indecent acts. He did so only in the hope that the supervisors would let him be promoted to official position. More complicated, his crush colleague Fran Kubelik (Shirley MacLeane) is having an affair with his company’s big boss, Jeff Sheldrake. “Good Man” and “Survivor” let the protagonist Baxter be in an “unbalanced” position at the beginning of the story. His goal: He “wants to” be promoted.

After Baxter used the apartment for his boss Sheldrake, he also got his wish. However, he also more and more like his colleague Fran. Later, he decided not to mess with the boss anymore. Although he would lose his job in doing so, his “need” – to be a good man and to be better than his “want” – was to raise the bargain. Baxter has this move at the end, allowing him to “balance” psychologically. Even better, Fran has decided to leave his boss with Baxter.

The Silence of the Lambs:

FBI agent Clarice (Judy Foster) was assigned to investigate the case of a murderous bull Bill Bill, and to get more acquaintance with the murderer she went to seek the ogre Hannibal (Anthony Hopkins). Although Clarice looks smart and capable, she is inherently murdered because her father was abused when he was on duty and was in fact very wounded. Therefore, when she was young, she left a deep shadow on the image of his slaughtered sheep on his uncle’s farm. “Ingenious FBI Agent” and “Wounded Little Girl” are the “imbalances” of the heroine at the beginning of the movie. Her goal: she “wants” to kill a wild cow Bill.

Later, the ogre Hannibal directed Clarice, external, to understand the nature of Bison Bill, the inner face of the nightmare slaughtered sheep. She began to project the wounded herself to the abducted little girl, giving Clarice the “need” to the stage. She not only saved the little girl but also captured Bill Billy and killed him. Because, to kill him, to save myself, to kill their own nightmares also. Here, her “need” has not surpassed her “want”, but the two have become one.

It is hard to find “what you need,” and it will only emerge after thinking, testing, and letting go. In order for a character to grow, “need” has to overcome “want”, or sometimes the two must be combined to achieve a “balanced” status. However, the story does not necessarily follow this pattern, sometimes it is “wanting” to win, being engulfed by one’s own desires and the story evolves into tragedy, which is another story。

What is a quality life

There are a lot of people who like to talk about quality of life. They think that spending more money and spending money is quality of life.

As a result, more and more people threw money at dinner, threw money at the time of buying clothes and squandered their money desperately. When we asked him why, his answer was justified – “In order The pursuit of quality of life, in order to pay attention to the quality of life.

life? quality?

What do these two things mean?

If we say that having money and satisfying many material conditions is called quality of life, do not all rich people have a quality of life while the poor do not have a quality of life?

If you say that education will have a quality of life, are not all college students have a quality of life, no education will not have quality of life?

If there is quality of life in urban areas, is it that rural people do not have quality of life? Is not all urban people have quality of life?

The answer is no. Shows that the quality of life is not a class, a region, or even a certain era of the patent. The ancients can also have the quality of life, poor people, country people, artisans, farmers can have a quality of life. Because, the quality of life is a kind of good spirit, is to seek the best style and way under the limited conditions, this is the quality of life.

The artisan makes a table chair perfect and impeccable, is the quality of life.

Farmers planted paddy rice in the best harvest, is the quality of life.

The poor buy a bread belly, that the same five dollars where you can buy the best quality bread, is the quality of life.

Housewives to buy a piece of tofu, spend the least money to buy the best tofu to eat, is the quality of life.

The whole community can abandon the bad things and seek the best possible. The society will have a quality of life. Therefore, our greatest worry about the quality of life is not the bad taste of a small number of people, but most people’s loss of good spirit.

In such a society, people often mistakenly think that they are outspread, extravagant, and waste is the quality of life. They gradually lose the reality of the quality of life and thus lose their ability to judge the quality of life. They have to chase famous brands and use famous perfumes and clothing , Leather shoes, and even the house built by the architect, to affirm the quality of the life of oneself, which is why the flood of famous brands in modern society.

Rich people from head to toe, from the house to the car, from the audio to the television are brand names, many of those brand-name people forget their own name.

Most people Xin envy, heart abject, think it is the quality of life, so try every means to pursue the “quality of life”, and even get power and disdain, with hate death. Do not you see the hooligans caught by the police, wear Rolex, open the car imports, the whole body is a brand?

The real quality of life is to return to self, clearly measure their abilities and conditions, and pursue the best things and life under limited conditions. Further, the quality of life is due to long-term cultivation of the spirit of seeking good, so confident, have a rich heart, outside, there are sensitive intuitions to find the best things in life; Spiritual space.

The quality of life is so simple. It is not from comparison with others, but their own personality and style of performance.